Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
