Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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