Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
