I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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