Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
