No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm sobbing to NWA
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
