It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My breasts were aching with rage.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
