I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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