Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
