I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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