Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize