Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
