I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
