I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dick very happy bro
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize