if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
