Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
