Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
