Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
