Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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