I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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