...so i touched it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
