There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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