Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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