Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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