i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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