1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
