Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
