There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
