I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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