I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
