textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize