Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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