Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
