Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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