let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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