The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
