Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
