One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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