I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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