One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
