i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize