Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
