You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
