I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
