Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
