Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
