God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
