pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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