pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't think brook has ever known best
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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