you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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