just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
