tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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