those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
