highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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