Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
