after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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