White coat. Heels.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize