I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
