I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize