He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
