i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
