so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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