Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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