Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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