the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
