Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
