There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
