Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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