I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
