we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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