I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
