Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
