the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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