I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
