And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
