I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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