nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
