Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
the raccoons are back...
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