Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
