is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
