The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
