I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
