i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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