ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
