Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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