worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
