The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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