i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
