No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
