We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
