doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
