Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
