It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
