Where are you?
In a non slutty way
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
