It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
