you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
BRING THE BAGELS
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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