I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
