there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What a dumb baby whore.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
