The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
