you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
