they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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