There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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