Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
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