just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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