Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
