How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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