I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
