im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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