If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
